Relationships are more about the way you communicate with your partner more than anything else.
How you address problems that arise in the relationship (of which there will be many) will determine where things go more than anything else that you do, and it’s important to communicate well if you want a relationship that lasts.
This is an especially difficult thing for someone who has never been in a long-term relationship, and even harder for males. Let’s be honest here, males are not the best at communicating, whether it’s how they feel or simply what they think, we’re just not that great when it comes to communicating with our significant other. We’re so bad at it that it almost looks like rocket science or like trying to defuse a bomb when we’re trying to communicate with our partner, but here are a few tips to hopefully make it easier to communicate what you feel to your partner.
First thing’s first, you need to stay focused.
This is one of the easiest points to miss, especially when you’re in the middle of an argument because it can get very tempting to just bring up issues from past conflicts that you have not completely resolved yet. After all, your logic goes like, “if I get all these things out then maybe all of it can get solved at the same time”, but this isn’t true. If anything, all it’ll do is cloud the current issue, making it even harder to find mutual understanding and making finding a solution together just that much harder.
Stay present, find a solution to the current issue instead of digging up past issues to satisfy your ego and hurt your significant other because that’s really not something you’d want to do as it just causes bitterness and no relationship will ever benefit from bitterness. Stay focused, stay present.
And really listen. Most people think they’re listening to the other person when in reality, all they’re doing is thinking of what they’re going to say back to the other person. But here’s the thing, that’s not listening, that’s simply waiting. Listening is much more involved than that, and it’ll require more effort on your part. Don’t get defensive every time your partner criticizes you because they might just be right, and you might just deserve that critique they just dished out for you. Listen, process what they’re saying and really give it some thought and think about why they said what they said. There’s meaning behind words and you need to realize what they mean if you want to know what your partner meant when they said something.
The third point is to try to understand.
Try to see their point of view. Relationships are meant to be two-way communication between two people who love each other, and oftentimes, there will be differing opinions and points of view, but that’s okay, no two people are going to think alike in every single situation.
And though it’s true that everyone wants to feel heard and understood and that’s absolutely understandable. But here’s the thing, sometimes it’s our part to stop and listen to the other person’s point of view and try to understand them. Remember, it goes both ways.
Next is to try to respond with empathy.
Empathy is one of the things in life that will not only help you deal with conflicts better and launch your career, but it is also something that will help you greatly when it comes to trying to resolve conflict with your significant other. For one thing, it’s so much easier to speak and criticize someone who knows that criticism isn’t always unfounded, especially when it’s coming from their significant other. Maybe they’re criticizing you for your shortcomings, and though it may hurt your feelings because let’s be honest, it almost always does, you need to dig even deeper to see the real information behind these critiques instead of immediately responding with how it makes you feel because that’s not how you want things to go, and it’ll only worsen the situation.
Own your mistakes
Don’t be one of those people who never looks past their significant other’s mistakes, but will never own their own faults. This will not only create tension in the relationship but doing so will also create cracks in the foundation of your relationship which will contribute to its downfall in the future. Own up.
Learn to compromise
Not everything will go your way, whether you like it or not, and even though you might think that you’re a very headstrong person, very stubborn, you will still need to learn to look for compromises when it comes to conflicts because that’s the only way you can look for solutions. Forget about trying to win the argument, that victory is short-lived and you’ll soon realize that you’ve pushed the other person away simply because you wanted to have the last say in every single argument that you have, but remember, by this point, it’s almost always way too late. Compromise.
Go for a walk
We get it, sometimes things get a little heated and things might start flying and you might start shouting, but it’s always to go out for a quick walk and walk that anger off instead of directing it to your significant other. Take a short walk, take deep breaths, go grab a coffee or go grab some food, do whatever you need to calm yourself down before going back into the room, and talk things out with your significant other. Doing this will not only help you solve the problem at hand instead of making it worse, but it will also give some time for your partner to think to themselves and calm down as well.
It’s important to remember that no matter how bad things get, you’re doing this because you love them and no matter how heated things get, no matter how hurt your feelings get, you’re doing all this because you want to make things work. Learn to swallow your pride to fix things, because that’s the only way you’ll get to keep your relationship.